Why marriage is not a priority.

Early 20’s, the only thing my priority is me, knowing myself better, making myself better, my career, my health, my relationships, my network, my skills, me, mine and myself. I am not selfish but I am my priority currently, I have taken some twenty odd years to realize this, so, if you tell me to get married in next five or so years, I am going to stare at you with all my killer instincts, I’m finding myself, things that liberate and make me feel independent, it is all too dear to let go so soon, I can barely cook a meal for myself, or rather still learning, no it does not mean I should know how to cook to get hitched, it just implies I’m still learning to take responsibility for myself. I still cannot do my own first aid. I don’t want to start over again so soon. I am comfortable knowing there is this set of people I call family that I can count on and their love is enough for me.

I want to work hard for myself. I am ready to face this struggle. I am not ready to come home to people I am still getting used to, without knowing whether I will ever or not. I want my room to myself, my books on my shelves, my decorations on the wall, my clothes in the entire wardrobe, my tired self-crashing alone in bed at night with the blanket to myself. I am not scared to love, but marriage is not a priority. Not until I’ve made myself according to me.

The society worries about bearing children if you marry late, I know of people who might decide against children altogether, or women, who in case don’t find the right man, might adopt 5 dogs and live lavishly alone serving their life for a better cause. Or just freeze their eggs and move on with life. I want to have kids when I can take responsibility of them not when society thinks it is time. Same goes for marriage.

So dear society, if I don’t cook and I won’t get a husband, better off without a man who’d marry me to be a cook in his kitchen, if I love my work and I am settled, it does not mean I need to be married to feel complete as a woman or bear children to have significance. I’ll marry when I am ready, it may take years or months, whether the man will be chosen by me or by my parents or out of love. It’ll be my priority when I decide it to be, not when you think it is right.

– DD



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